Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)

by Steve Habrat

America, you can all breath a collective sigh of relief. That nagging question on all of your minds has finally been answered. We now know what it looks like when Ghost Rider urinates! I know, I know, I was wondering when we would finally get the definitive answer to that brain-melting question. Thank you, Marvel! On a serious note, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is another swing and a miss for the Marvel Knights, the spin-off studio of Marvel Studios. Marvel Knights, we created in an attempt to bring some of the darker superheroes from the comic pages to the big screen and so far, they are zero for two (the other masterpiece from this branch division is Punisher: War Zone). With a fresh pair of directors (Crank’s Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor) and the studio hitting the restart button (subtly), Marvel somehow managed to make things even worse and make a film so unpleasant, the only reason it avoided the direct-to-DVD barging bin was the fact that Nicolas Cage’s name is leading the credits.  To my astonishment, Cage throws himself into Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance with such maniacal delight, I think that he may have finally hit rock bottom, and I thought that bottom was the FIRST Ghost Rider. Cage must really be a big fan of Ghost Rider and really hurting for money to agree to do this to himself. And to think that this man won an Oscar.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance picks up eight years after Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider (Played by Cage) battled the gathering satanic forces on American soil. He has been on the run and hiding out in Eastern Europe ever since, trying to deal with the curse that has been put on him by Roarke (Mephistopheles) (Played by Ciarán Hinds). Blaze soon finds himself approached by French priest Moreau (Played by Idris Elba), who asks Blaze to track down and save a young boy, Danny (Played by Fergus Riordan) and his mother, Nadya (Played by Violante Placido), from Roarke’s forces that are pursuing them. It turns out that Roarke, who is the Devil in a human body, wants Danny so that he can take a new human form on earth. Blaze reluctantly accepts the offer on the condition that Moreau takes him to a group of priests that will be able to lift the fiery cruse that plagues him. As the battle rages for Danny’s fate, the Devil unleashes the deadly Blackout (Played by Johnny Whitmore), who possesses the power to decay anything he touches, to deliver him Danny and kill Ghost Rider any way he can.

There really isn’t much to say about the plotline of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. It sucks and that is all there is to it. Half the time, it is barely coherent underneath all the searing action that cuts through the film like a white-hot knife. The story, which was penned by Scott M. Gimple, Seth Hoffman, and David S. Goyer (yes, the same David S. Goyer who helped revive Batman), is basically a recycled glob of other, better satanic horror films. Think a touch of The Exorcist with a big scoop of Rosemary’s Baby fused with Crank and the original Ghost Rider. When I wasn’t rolling my eyes from the story, I was busy fighting off motion sickness from the constant shaking of the camera. Mind you, I have NEVER once got motion sick from a movie before but I can say that Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance was the film that had me reaching for the barf bag. I couldn’t wait until things slowed down so that my stomach would stop doing somersaults. I wish that the nausea was worth it and that there was some cool action scene to tell you about but the fight scenes are all the same here. They all basically consist of a bunch of bad guys standing around, Ghost Rider barreling towards them on his bike as they all stand in shock, and Ghost Rider approaching them one by one and sucking their souls out. That is all there is to it.

If I had to think of one reason for you to see Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, I’d say see it for the way that Cage throws himself into the role of Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider. I promise that you have never seen anything like it in your entire life. It is almost like we are watching a nervous breakdown documented in a big budget blockbuster. Cage is all shaky delivery and bone rattling screams as his face bubbles and contorts into the charred black skull. I guess if my career had come to what his has, I would be starting to go a little berserk myself. Luckily, Idris Elba is present to take things down a notch in one of the worst French accents you will ever hear. Don’t get me wrong. Elba brings more to the table that anyone else does here but it is so painful to watch him slip like this. Come one, Idris, you have been awesome in the past! Hinds seems to get a kick out of delivering lines like “Worst fucking deal I ever made” right to the face of the fiery Ghost Rider. He is slumming it after doing heavier work like Tinker Tailor Solider Spy. Riordan is a forgettable child actor who doesn’t even register in all the chaos while Placido is the eye candy, taking over where Eva Mendes left off.  Whitmore really tries to shake things up as Blackout but he has to be the most pointless character in the entire film. He is only here to provide the audience was a high-speed slugfest in the final moments of the film.

Neveldine and Taylor do what they can to add a smidgeon of emotion to this project but they cannot resist the urge to just leap back into the head pounding action. They try to throw in a half-assed relationship between Blaze and Danny but it such a weak attempt, it practically disappears from your memory by the end battle. I can say that I was pretty impressed by the special effects and I did like the overall look of Ghost Rider. Shaking off some of the polish that original director Mark Steven Johnson had slathered all over his CGI hero, this version of the character is a hell of a lot grittier than what Johnson came up with. It actually suits the character but it is a shame this was not applied to a much better movie. Much like the Punisher, I know there is someone out there with a good story for Ghost Rider but this certainly wasn’t it. It is time for Cage to walk away from the franchise and really do some soul searching because the man has completely lost his marbles. And to you, Mr. Goyer, what is your excuse? You helped bring one of the greatest superhero trilogies to the big screen and then you follow that up with this piece of shit! Do you hate comic books and comic book movies?! With the level of quality that we have seen in films like Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, X-Men, V for Vendetta, Watchmen, and The Dark Knight, there is no excuse for these types of superhero films in 2012. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance should have been tossed into an incinerator and forgotten. All of you responsible for this, sit in the corner and think about what you have done.

Grade: F

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is available on Blu-ray and DVD.

Ghost Rider (2007)

by Steve Habrat

When Marvel isn’t busy trying to force The Punisher on disinterested audiences, they are cramming Ghost Rider down our throats. This fiery badass on a bike just plays too nice in his disposable 2007 big screen debut, a film that only fans of the comic could love. Director Mark Steven Johnson’s Ghost Rider is a run-of-the-mill superhero film with the a whole bunch of superhero clichés we have seen countless times in other, better superhero movies. It doesn’t help that the film has no staying power once you have walked away from it. The culprit for all the mediocrity is the fact that the script, penned by Johnson, has holes big enough to drive a tricked out motorcycle from Hell through. Johnson seems like he is eager to deliver for Ghost Rider fans and I applaud him for that, but it would have been nice if he cleaned up his story a bit and, oh, I don’t know, thought outside the box. It would have also helped if he had filled his film with actors who actually care about the material they are working with. The only one who seems like he wants to be there is Nicolas Cage but he has such little talent to speak of that he doesn’t really come up with anything that will save this clunker of a film from a slow, fiery death.

Ghost Rider begins with introducing us to a young stunt motorcyclist Johnny Blaze (Played by Matt Long) and his father, Barton Blaze (Played by Brett Cullen). Barton, it turns out, has terminal cancer, which he tries to hide from young Johnny but the secret finally slips out. Devastated, Johnny slips off to work on his motorcycle when he finds himself approached by Mephistopheles (Played by Peter Fonda), a mysterious man who asks Johnny to ride for him. He goes on to mention Barton’s illness and adds that he could help. Johnny accepts the help but he accidentally sells his soul to the mysterious man. The next day Barton wakes up refreshed and feeling better than ever, something that stuns Johnny. Later that day, Barton is getting ready to perform a new stunt for a huge crowd of fans but the stunt goes wrong and Barton is killed. At the exact moment Barton is killed, Johnny sees Mephistopheles standing by and laughing. After the accident, Johnny sets out on his own but he once again finds himself approached by the mysterious man who says that he will come back for Johnny’s services one day. The film then speeds ahead to present day with Johnny (Played by Nicolas Cage) now a big name stunt motorcyclist who is always cheating death. As Johnny enjoys his fame, a sinister force is walking among us in the form of Blackheart (Played by Wes Bentley), a deadly demon who is searching for a contract that could allow him to unleash hell on earth. In order to stop Blackheart, Mephistopheles calls upon Johnny and turns him into a fiery superhero called Ghost Rider.

Ghost Rider leans heavily on the almost nonstop action at its charred heart. Very rarely does the film actually calm down enough to give us an intimate character moment. Perhaps this is good because the action actually allows Ghost Rider to be watchable for its two-hour runtime. The CGI is very well done, especially the effects on Cage when he morphs into the hissing demon. Things do turn goofy when Fonda and Bentley see their faces distorting into bluish ghouls with row after row of crooked fangs. They would be a dentist’s worst nightmare but they wouldn’t scare anyone else. The action basically sees Ghost Rider stomping around on the screen and battling one of Blackheart’s three grinning henchmen, all of which are dispatched with ease. The sad part to all of this is that Cage and Bentley allow the special effects to do all the work for them. Bentley ends up being guiltier of this than Cage, if you can believe that. Bentley’s Blackheart has to be the least convincing baddie to ever torment a superhero. At times, he seems like someone is standing off screen holding up a white poster board with his lines written on it. He doesn’t bring any menace to the role and in the end, he falls behind voice distortion and layers of CGI to make him an intimidating force. Still, he just seems too nice.

Cage, meanwhile, had to be breathing a sigh of relief that for once, he wasn’t the one ruining the movie. I was actually surprised in the amount of enthusiasm that Cage demonstrated even if he is hit or miss. The performance finds him speaking in a southern drawl that appears and then disappears without warning, something that you would think Johnson would have righted. The rest of the time, Cage just seems to be playing a giddier version of himself. Apparently, Cage is a huge fan of Ghost Rider (he even has him tattooed on his arm) and he really lobbied to nab the role. You would think he would have brought something special to this demon party, being a huge fan and all. Ghost Rider finds Cage’s Johnny Blaze striking up a relationship with forgettable reporter Roxanne Simpson (Played by Eva Mendes), a romance that has absolutely no spark to speak of. Mendes seems to just be going through the motions, very aware that she is only here to be saved by Cage’s CGI alter ego. The great Sam Elliot steps in as the mysterious Caretaker who finds himself the target of Bentley’s Blackheart. Elliot does a fine job with what he has to work with, even if there are more than a few holes in his character. Donal Logue shows up as Blaze’s wisecracking partner, Mack, who gets stuck with the typical one-liners for the kids. Rounding out the main players is Fonda’s Mephistopheles, who seems delighted to be playing the creeping puppet master.

There are aspects of Ghost Rider that are never fully explained to us, with things happening for no reason at all. Cage can apparently manipulate anything he touches, making them look like they were ripped out of the Devil’s imagination. There was also a twist with the Caretaker that drove me absolutely nuts, especially since Blackheart brutally terrorizes him while he does nothing about it. Another problem I had with the film was Blackheart’s evil plot to destroy earth. He gets the upper hand on Ghost Rider because he has no soul, something that Ghost Rider can target and destroy. Blackheart’s master plan fills him with hundreds of hellish souls, all of which can be burned up by Ghost Rider (Didn’t anyone catch this error while writing the film?). The film desperately wants to be a western but it seems that the western didn’t want to be associated with this crap so it spit it back into action territory. Overall, with wiser casting choices and a fully developed script, Ghost Rider could have turned out to be one of the more fun Marvel movies. It could have been a darker alternative to Marvel’s usually family friendly heroes. Instead, it just feels like watered down excuse to sell toys to kids and act as a quick cash grab for the money-hungry Marvel. A throwaway superhero vehicle that feels like it has been done before, and much better at that.

Grade: D+

Ghost Rider is available on Blu-ray and DVD.